School's Out....

and not just for the summer... Well for me as a student that is. I am graduating on Tuesday!!! I'm excited. I'm not really sure for what because it's not like I have never been to a graduation ceremony before and they aren't all THAT exciting. I suppose what I am excited for is that I am no longer a student. I have supposedly exited the realm of adolescence and am now truly an adult in the eyes of society. Even though in college you are legally an adult, people still see you as a college KID.

So last semester I got to play teacher. I say "play" because many of the students did not see me as a full fledged teacher because I was the "student teacher" and they were high school students. In fact, I did not always see myself as a full-fledged teacher either. I don't suppose that I will until I am in charge of my own classes. Speaking of which, I still have not heard back from any of the schools I have applied to teach in. I'm not really sure why. My resume seemed pretty impressive to me (and to my teachers). Maybe it does not look nice enough for employers to want to read. Maybe it's too long? I will just have to be proactive (I hate that word) and call them up to find out what's going on.

Anyway, more about student teaching. I really had a blast. At first it was really challenging because I was doing what I have never REALLY done before: actually teaching a real class with real students who did not know what I wanted from them. Before, pretty much all my teaching experiences were mock-lessons where my peers pretended to be children I was teaching. So my first experiences with real students was a little bit of a shock- Oh my God, they don't have any idea what I'm trying to get them to do. Being that I was teaching choir, the first thing I had to get over was the whole using-the-piano thing to lead warm-ups and teach sectionals. Another thing I had to get over was "so I want them to sing, but how do I get them all to do it at the same time?" For some reason, all my conducting classes failed me the first few times I was up in front of the choirs. Then there was being able to diagnose exactly why students were not learning what I was trying to get across to them- were they just playing around and pretending not to get it (which was sometimes the case), or were they genuinely confused? I wish that I could say that my classes at Rutgers prepared me for what I was to expect walking into a classroom for the first time on the other side of the podium, but to be honest, theories work well in theory and that's about it. They are nice to talk about and think about, but when it comes right down to it, it's the being able to put stuff into practice that my classes at Rutgers did not prepare me for.

In any case, by the end of the semester I really began to feel like I was not "playing" teacher anymore. I felt like a real teacher! I think that it helped that I was in the same school for the entire semester, meaning that I did not switch schools and have to get to know an entirely new set of students. I think that having a rapport with the students really helped me become a teacher. I always wondered why education students have to do student teaching, but now I know it's because it really facilitates a transformation from being a student to becoming a teacher. There are some things about teaching that I wish I could do without like the administrative stuff: taking attendance/making sure no students cut your class that day, dealing with upset parents, dealing with students that just do not want to be there. I kind of wish that I could only teach the kids who actually want to learn how to sing, but that's just not the real world of public school. If I want that I will have to teacher privately, which is much less reliable as far as a paycheck goes and lacks benefits. I guess it is a bit of a compromise. Oh well. I enjoyed teaching choir despite the behavioral issues, etc and I am sure I will continue to enjoy it.

I think that this summer I might actually go on a real vacation! Just me and Gordon staying in a hotel by Virginia Beach. We have not booked it yet because he says that you get better deals on rooms when you wait until 2 or 3 weeks before. I'm not sure that is true, but he says he's done it before, so I'm willing to try that. If it does not work out the way I envision it, there is always next year, and we'll book it my way. There is also always the Jersey Shore, though not as nice, it'll be a fun vacation anyway.

I realize I am telling my entire life story here (ok not the entire thing) but it has been a while since I posted, so I figured I owe an intense update.

Recently Mom bought me a juicer. Not just any juicer, but a Jack Lalanne Juicer! It is soooo cool. It arrived right before spring break and I have used it at least once a day since then! Since then (which is 3 weeks, about) I have lost a little over 5 pounds. I've also begun running again since about 5 or 6 weeks ago (though consistently for only the last 2 and I feel really good. Though not consecutive, I'm up to 4 miles a day. (except for days that I also play ultimate frisbee, then I only run 2) *segue* I joined the MO Ultimate team again this summer. We play pickup on Tuesdays and Saturdays. When real games start they will be Mondays and Fridays. I did not realize it until I looked it up on Sparkpeople.com, but playing ultimate burns over 420 calories an hour! Good thing that I only run 2 miles because I'd be so burned out it I tried to do any more than that. Speaking of my running (yes I am back to that), I ran a mile in 8:16 on Monday! I have not been able to run a mile that fast in 5 years! (or more, I cannot actually remember the last time I could run it that fast since freshman year of high school when I ran it in 7:25) I am really making a lot more progress in my fitness and health this year than I have in a really really long time. Actually, I am probably the healthiest I have ever been.

I feel like I am turning over a new leaf/ entering a new stage in my life. All these changes in my life are happening at once: graduating college/becoming a teacher, improving my health/fitness. I might even be moving out soon. It will probably wait until October, though, because that is when Gordon's lease on the house he is renting with his two friends is up for renewal and I don't think I want to move in there as long as his two roommates are still there (of course I don't know that his friends are not going to renew, but it is in the realm of possibilities). Even though they are my friends too, they are kindof slobs and I could not live like that 24/7. I don't mind it so much when I am visiting but if I lived there I would feel compelled to clean up their messes and that is not really fair for me to do. Hopefully I will have a music teaching job by then so that I actually will have the means of moving out. If not, I will have to find some sort of full-time position somewhere because working at the After is just not going to pay all the bills I will have. Speaking of the possibility of moving in with Gordon, there is also the possibility of us getting married! Every time we have talked about it in the past, he has always said that he did not want to plan out the rest of his life yet, but recently he was hinting at the fact that he might have changed his mind by making comments about what kinds of things he would want to plan for our wedding, hypothetically. So I asked him point-blank one day if he was actually going to marry me and he said yes, he is! I suppose that makes us engaged, but there was no formal proposal/ring, so I'm not calling it official. I am really excited about that too. So I guess there are a lot of exciting things happening to me. My life is going pretty much exactly where I wanted it to right now. I never thought I would be able to say that, but now I really can. :-)

Turns out I really was crazy

So last time that I wrote, I has just started out with Coastal Vacations, right? And I said that I must be crazy for doing it- turns out that I really am pretty crazy because I have made no profit form it yet- in fact I am quite in the hole with it. Not to say that Coastal is not a viable business- I'm just not a sales person. So I have wasted a lot of time and energy into something that did not pan out. I even created a new website that is more user friendly than the one that travel makes you happy gave me. That alone has taken hundreds of hours of my time over the last few months.

I can't really say this is the first time I have done that- only this is the first time I've done it with money. I guess this is really a judgment of my character- I am quick to jump into something, waste a lot of time and energy on it and then still be in the gray area for a long time before ultimately giving up. I can't really say I am proud of that fact of my personality- but I just do not have to perseverance to keep trying and trying at something that is not paying me back. It's quite sad that I wasted so much time and energy, but also even sadder that I wasted my credit cards on it. I wish that I knew what I was getting myself into before I decided to jump in head first with all my clothes still on.

On another note, I have completed yet another 4.0 semester at Mason Gross. I have officially completed my Junior year of college. How weird- I am a senior in College! I can't get over how that sounds. God, I am going to be entering the real world in a year. It's a scary thought. I look forward to it though. As scary as it is, I am actually quite excited about the idea that I am going to be student teaching in less than a year and then a few months after that I will be teaching for real! I will finally be an independent adult. I guess this means I will have to look for a place to live because I do not think I would be able to live with my Mother once I get a teaching job. It would be way too weird. By then Gordon should have his own place and maybe we can talk about moving in together. I can't wait for that the most I think. I really have found someone special. In 24 days it will be our 2 year anniversary! Wow, I really don't have much time to figure out what I'm going to get him. But what can I give to a guy who has pretty much everything he wants/needs, especially what can I give him that I can afford to give him. If I were not in debt, I would look into getting the PS3 for him but that's a couple hundred dollars that I do not have. I have no idea what I should get him... I'll have to look stuff up on the internet maybe... maybe that's not a great idea. You'd think that I don't know him if I don't know what to get him- but I never was very good at figuring out gift ideas for even my sisters who I am the closest to in this world. Good luck to me figuring this out.

I must be crazy

So this company Travel Makes You Happy calls me yesterday and of course I always let the people who call me talk me into whatever they are trying to do... well not always, actually most of the time I can get myself out of it without being too rude (which of course is always my goal, I hate rude people so I do not want to become the thing I hate, right?). The guy on the other end of the line tells me that I can own a travel business online and all I'd have to do is advertise and that all the other work would be done for me. Ok, I'll bite. So he's talking all about how much money I could make- like over $100,000 a year- and that I get free vacations out of it- and I'm thinking, alright, what is the catch? I have to pay some amount of money- like $1200- which I don't have and I told him as much. So he says, sure, that's fine, then do you have $95 for the registration fee? well, not exactly, but I do have a credit card... though I do hate spending money I don't already have- the millionaire's mentality the guy tells me. So I take down his information so that just in case he's trying to steal my identity when I give him my information, I can have at least somewhere to start with it. Then I give him my credit card number and all that jazz and voila, I am now a travel agent...

Visit my website www.seetheworldtravellive.com it's actually pretty cool.

2 weeks left of winter break

and for some reason I am looking forward to getting back to New Brunswick. It's not like there's really anything I do down there other than school, but its just that I am so BORED and don't know what to do with myself since I wasn't able to get a job for winter break. I am just looking forward to having something to do everyday (almost). Next semester I only have class Monday thu Thursday, and sometimes on Friday. I have no clue what the hell that's about, but whatever. I am looking forward to it only in the sense that I will not sleep all day and then wonder why at 9pm I am exhausted from doing nothing all day.

Today be Christmas

Eve. So that means lots of visiting family. Christmas has lost the magic it once had. I can remember being so freaking excited about going to Babcia's house for Vilia when I was younger, but the last few years, it's not been something I look forward to. I don't even look forward to opening presents. I pretty much know what I am getting. When you get older, people no longer want to guess what kinds of things you like or want so they ask you and then they get you exactly that. Which I suppose is not a bad thing, but I like surprises so much more. Not only that, I wasn't too imaginative this year about that I want... I want a new wardrobe, but people can't just buy me clothes, I need to be there to try stuff on because otherwise it may not fit or look good or whatnot, so that means I get a gift card to somewhere. Not that I don't like that, but it takes the fun out of opening up a gift. The other thing about Christmas is that I have a million places to be. When I was little, I went to Vilia at Babcia's house then Dad came and picked me and my sisters up and we went to my Aunt's house. Christmas morning was spent at Mommy's and that was that. Now, Christmas Eve is at Babcia's house and then we go to midnight mass. Christmas morning is at Mommy's but then I have three other places to be: my older sister's house, my boyfriend's family, then my Dad's. or in some order like that. And everyone wants their party at the same damn time too, so it's rather hard to be places for a decent amount of time before you need to go somewhere else. It almost makes me seem rude that I am somewhere for maybe an hour, then leaving, being somewhere else for a while, then leaving and going somewhere else for just a little while too. Everyone gets the short end of the stick. Or, if I decide to spend a good amount of time at any one of those places, then the other two places, I am there after a lot of people are gone... unfair. There is no good way to do this. I think that this is what has taken the magic out of Christmas for me... the expectations of others and the need to fulfill those expectations lest hurt someone's feelings. And I get to feel bad no matter how I choose to do this because no matter what I am slighting someone. :(


I hope everyone else's Christmas is better.

Merry Christmas everyone!

End of the Year

So it's December now, and that means finals time!!! I don't mean to sound excited, I'm not excited about finals, but I am excited about the month off from school that follows that. :) happy happy happy for no school!!! Hopefully, i can get a job of some kind though, i need money desperately. Christmas is going to clean me out.
anyways, so my therapy is going well... I love learning new things about myself, not that it directly makes things better, but it does open doors to things getting better. and thats a very good thing.

In order of things new, I have joined google's ad thingy, so if you see new stuff on the page, like the search bar at the bottom of the page and the ad at the top, that's why. I promise I'm not trying to drag anyone into anything by having these things on my page. like those too-good-to-be-true "win a free vacation" things- not on my page, i won't let it, cause I've fallen into too many traps that way, if anyone finds those kinds of things, please let me know and I will make sure I remove any such ads. and if joining this ad thingy does me any good, i'll let you guys know so you can do it too, if you like.

Halfway

through the semester now. I really don't feel like I've learned too much of anything, but I know I've done an assload of work. Strange, really. I have finally taken the time to start going to therapy. I really hope that it is helpful to me because all I really need is to waste time, right? No, really, I need this to work so I can function correctly. I want to wake up in the morning feeling at least as good as when I went to sleep, but lately the opposite has been the case and it takes me half the day to feel decent about anything. Sometimes longer. This sounds familiar, doesn't it? Yes, I have been through this kind of thing before, but I swear this is the last time. No more will I let my life suffer because of the way I feel, at the very least I want to learn to separate the two, so that is why I finally went. Wish me luck if anyone is reading this.