I've got me some Goals

So, now that I think I have myself under control, I can actually start to think about important stuff that i've been neglecting; aka my school work. well, not that i've actually not been doing it, but I haven't been doing it like i care about it. So now it's time to start caring again. there's no use in my being here if i'm only going to be mediocre. I'm not going to complain about having to do my work anymore because I am the one who wanted to come to college- nobody's forcing me to be here. plus, ya can't go through life resisting every step of the way- you'll never get anywhere. My own resistance to everything so far has only been an impediment, thus I must get on with it and forget that I hate writing essays and such. I only need pretend that I like it and it will become that much better.


so about my actual living, there's more than just my silly emotions... I do actually do stuff. Like yesterday, I went to the rec center with brittanie and we went swimming. I haven't been swimming in months. god, it was definitely much needed. I'm thinking that this summer I will take some classes and become a lifeguard- brittanie gave me the idea. but i have to be able to swim 500 meters so that is my goal for the semester. I gotta learn the strokes better too, but brittanie was on the swim team in high school so she can prolly teach me.

I've decided that I am going to get back into shape this year. I remember 4 years ago- freshman year of HS- well, maybe I wasn't exactly healthy, but I was fit and strong. Between the end of August and the end of November that year I improved from running the 3.1 mile in 33 minutes to running it in 24:50. Well, it'll take me longer this time because I have a lot of extra baggage to work with compared to 4 years ago, but i am going to be able to do it. I swear it. But this time I am going to be healthy about it... no more anorexia for me. I don't like being light-headed and headache-riddled all the time like I was then. I am going to do it right this time. I don't really care about how much I weigh, as long as I don't ever weigh as much as I did over this summer again. i've lost 15 lbs since July and I plan on keeping it that way, but I don't need to be 110 lbs like I was freshman year of HS, all I want is to be able to do what I did then. Unfortunately, It's starting to get pretty cold for running outside and I really hate treadmills, but that might be that I have to use. i need some gym clothes is all. When i go home this weekend, i'll find some. Anyway, I have to get some work done for expos, so I'm out.