roller coaster

damn my emotions are like a roller coaster. here i am again, feeling just like i did this time last week, well not as bad, but now i think its time that i actually do call that councelor because this will obviously happen again so i called, but there was a busy signal. after long hours spent thinking about the brain and the mind and their control over each other (my essay for expos is based on that idea), i dont care how it works, but i just want it to work, becasue i feel like my brain is not able to regulate my emotions like its supposed to. all i wanna do is wake up in the morning feeling better about my life than i did the night before because every night when i go to bed i feel like crying for no reason. there must be a reason of some sort even if it is a chemical imbalance. i want control over my feelings instead of my feelings having control over me. I feel like shit and so i dont want to do anything at all: i dont want to wake up in the morning because sleep is safer, i dont want to leave my room even though that is torturous masichism, i dont want to eat and i have no motivation to do anything that i am supposed to be doing. i am lonely; i have all this free time and no one to spend it with. i am tired of listening to a dial tone when i call the help center and i am tired of feeling like crying.