sophomore year update

so now i is a college sophomore. yes, grammar is for the weak, as christine would say. so far its going pretty well. I finally took my jury for last semester and i got straight A's on it. woot! my other classes are going ok i guess. we havent had any grades in any other classes so im actually ont sure. I do see a problem developing for me though and that problem is laziness. I never thought it would happen to me seriously being that i was always such a consciencious student, but I guess that things change. It took me a mini breakdown to get myself to realize that its really time to do some work. I felt like I was going to start failing and you know, I can't have that. That is my number one fear: failure. if i am in danger of feeling, I will kick into gear and get shit done. and of course you know my definition of failing is anything less than an A... i guess i can accept a B is i must, but its not good enough for me really. though from the looks of things I may end up getting a less than perfect grade in music history because of my laziness and my inablility to get myself to actually read that book... I recon that in the next week before the test, though, that I will get my ass in gear because I cant start the year like this. A strange turn of events and switch of roles occured that will prevent me from doing too badly, Paige is helping me to not fail history, as opposed to me always tutoring her. It's odd to me, needing help to pass a class. This hasn't happened to me since Calculus senior year in high school. and before that, never have i needed to ask for help to pass a class. indeed this is still a novel idea for me.


in other news, the old me was trying to return as far as confidence is concerned it seems. meaning my confidence has decided to take a little walk without telling me where it was going since i got to school. I went to a party with Gordon where I knew no one but him and I had a total mental breakdown. Then this last week I have been feeling like I have no place being here at a music conservatory. Like i have no real direction in life and I'm just making it up and pretending that I'm going to be a musician. Well I was feeling like that earlier today, but I've since recovered a little confidence thanks to Gordon, again. What would I do without him, really.
Back where I started, I believe.
More updates to come